This blog needs a facelift and here it is!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Against All Odds
Do you ever feel like the odds are all stacked up against you? It's me against the world ... or God. Or no matter how hard you're trying, it feels a little bit like you're in your car and you're stuck in the mud and no matter how hard you step on the gas, you're not going anywhere but instead you're making a bigger mess.
Maybe the answer to getting out isn't stepping harder on the gas. Maybe I need to roll up my sleeves, get down and dirty and start shovelling.
If you had a choice to start over with a clean slate with everything that you know now, would you? ... I'm tempted to say Yes because why wouldn't you want to start over with everything that you know now? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back and fix everything in your life that you've done wrong? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back to get to know your loved ones better before they went so you won't feel as guilty as you do now because you took their presence for granted? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back and change every wrong answer you've ever written in your tests? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back rewrite your history?
But no, as much as having the opportunity to create the life I want now seems enticing I wouldn't want to do it. It would mean I may never meet the wonderful (and awful) people I know now and I may never fully appreciate the struggles of living life. Every mistake I made thus far is a testament to the person I am today. And that is (I hope) a person of integrity and a person who gives a damn and a person who tries and a person who has so much love to give and a person who finishes what she starts.
Maybe the answer to getting out isn't stepping harder on the gas. Maybe I need to roll up my sleeves, get down and dirty and start shovelling.
If you had a choice to start over with a clean slate with everything that you know now, would you? ... I'm tempted to say Yes because why wouldn't you want to start over with everything that you know now? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back and fix everything in your life that you've done wrong? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back to get to know your loved ones better before they went so you won't feel as guilty as you do now because you took their presence for granted? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back and change every wrong answer you've ever written in your tests? Why wouldn't you WANT to go back rewrite your history?
But no, as much as having the opportunity to create the life I want now seems enticing I wouldn't want to do it. It would mean I may never meet the wonderful (and awful) people I know now and I may never fully appreciate the struggles of living life. Every mistake I made thus far is a testament to the person I am today. And that is (I hope) a person of integrity and a person who gives a damn and a person who tries and a person who has so much love to give and a person who finishes what she starts.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Silence Is Golden
Complacency - my worst trait
To sum up the past 3 months since my last post - nothing happened.
To sum up the past 3 months since my last post - nothing happened.
Monday, December 26, 2005
there goes christmas
I'm exhausted. After all that hype and preparation leading up to yesterday's Xmas barbeque I'm really tired.
All the worrying about whether there'll be enough food to go around (there was too much), whether it was going to rain (the weather was BEAUTEEFUL!), whether the house will be clean enough (not like anyone noticed), whether people were going to like what I made (no one spewed) and whether everyone was going to enjoy themselves (well I think everyone did).
I think we did good. The aches are well worth it.
Although ... I can't seem to get the comment Eric's friend made about me having put on A LOT of weight since we last met .... NOooOOOOOoo
New Year's Resolution 1#: Go to gym until able to fit into size 8-10
All the worrying about whether there'll be enough food to go around (there was too much), whether it was going to rain (the weather was BEAUTEEFUL!), whether the house will be clean enough (not like anyone noticed), whether people were going to like what I made (no one spewed) and whether everyone was going to enjoy themselves (well I think everyone did).
I think we did good. The aches are well worth it.
Although ... I can't seem to get the comment Eric's friend made about me having put on A LOT of weight since we last met .... NOooOOOOOoo
New Year's Resolution 1#: Go to gym until able to fit into size 8-10
Saturday, December 24, 2005
good tidings to you wherever you are
Well the holidays have well and truly arrived ... finally!
Though I know it'll all be over before I can muster "Felis Navidad" and then it'll hit me that it's 2006 and I can no longer rest on my laurels and not get started on the rest of my life.
Right now, am patiently waiting for Eric to finish work and come pick me up for a night of shopping at Bondi Junction. Boy, I love it when the malls decide to open 32 hours before Christmas hits us. They're making up for all the days in the year that they close at 5pm everyday (except shopping night). I hate the fact that I can't shop till 10pm like in Malaysia. What's a girl to do after work anyway!?
Though I know it'll all be over before I can muster "Felis Navidad" and then it'll hit me that it's 2006 and I can no longer rest on my laurels and not get started on the rest of my life.
Right now, am patiently waiting for Eric to finish work and come pick me up for a night of shopping at Bondi Junction. Boy, I love it when the malls decide to open 32 hours before Christmas hits us. They're making up for all the days in the year that they close at 5pm everyday (except shopping night). I hate the fact that I can't shop till 10pm like in Malaysia. What's a girl to do after work anyway!?
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Oh What A Year!
I suppose nearing the end of every year, most of us will take some time to reflect on the year gone by and ponder over significant events.
This year has certainly been nothing short of impressive ... both good and bad.
I remember at the stroke of midnight 1st Jan 2005, I was sitting home alone (back in our old rented apartment in Allawah) watching the fireworks go off at the Harbour Bridge on TV mulling over the fact that Eric had to work and I had to welcome the New Year in such a miserable way. No one to scream happy new year and no one to kiss and hug away rotten 2004.
This year, Eric baby will still be working NYE and I'll probably be sitting at home again watching the fireworks go off at midnight. This year though, I will not be mulling.
I remember Eric and I started this year off waking up to a beautiful morning and having a hearty breakfast at Sheraton in the city. It felt like a sleepy morning ... actually more like a hangover after all the celebrations in the city the night before.
We watched our 1st musical together, "We Will Rock You" which was awesome! Though I'm still kicking myself for not catching "Mama Mia" when they were in town.
In Feb, I made a trip back to Malaysia after touching down in Australia for more than 2 1/2 years I was pining for home! Although I had to leave Eric behind I couldn't help enjoying myself! I can't wait for the day when I can bring him home and show him where I grew up.
Then came March, Eric had a blast on his birthday and got pissed drunk. I wasn't very happy about that. Then came the big bust up at home that casted a shadow over everyone's moods in the following months.
2005 was also the year my career took a turn for the better. I suppose I've come in leaps and bounds since I started my first full-time job data-entrying all day everyday and then by some stupid stroke of luck a good friend, Chris introduced me to the manager in ACN and after 10 minutes of meeting him I had a job. The job wasn't tops but it was definitely a step forward and at that point ANYTHING was better than the place I was before.
In April I applied for an internal vacancy for an IT role but lost out to Chris. It was disappointing not getting the job but I knew if I didn't get the job, Chris would be only logical choice. I was and am happy for him.
But it all works out in the end because a new role came up and I was having a lot of self-doubt especially after having lost out on my last application. But Chris was the one who thought I should apply for it. I still wasn't sure and thought what have I to lose and handed in my application on the last day.
Welp ... I got the job in May!! I was over the moon!! Even now after 6 months, it's been great. I'm learning so much more now in week than 3 months where I was before. I'm loving it!
Sometime end of June early July, I found a tiny lump on the back of my neck and was quite suitably freaked out for about a week before I mustered some courage to make an appointment with the doctor to check it out. Turned out it's a benign inflamed lymph node ... thank god! I do not wish cancer visions on anyone.
Then came September ... Eric and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary in Gold Coast. It's been 3 years! We had so much fun this time in Gold Coast. Last time we were there, we were on a VERY tight budget. This time it was no holds barred! Awesome!!
Though at the very end of our holiday, I got so damn sick. I was almost reduced to tears at the airport because I was in so much pain and discomfort. I was burning up and felt so weak. Turned out I had an ear infection. After that I lost my hearing on my left ear for 4 days before it popped and ohhh...glorious! I can hear again!
Throughout the next couple of months, we were all weighed down by the prospect of losing a home, reckless spending and all the frustration that comes with people, ego and money (what a lethal combination those 3). This all went by pretty quickly ... it's all a blur to me now but the frustration is still very much there.
And then another year has gone by ...
This year has certainly been nothing short of impressive ... both good and bad.
I remember at the stroke of midnight 1st Jan 2005, I was sitting home alone (back in our old rented apartment in Allawah) watching the fireworks go off at the Harbour Bridge on TV mulling over the fact that Eric had to work and I had to welcome the New Year in such a miserable way. No one to scream happy new year and no one to kiss and hug away rotten 2004.
This year, Eric baby will still be working NYE and I'll probably be sitting at home again watching the fireworks go off at midnight. This year though, I will not be mulling.
I remember Eric and I started this year off waking up to a beautiful morning and having a hearty breakfast at Sheraton in the city. It felt like a sleepy morning ... actually more like a hangover after all the celebrations in the city the night before.
We watched our 1st musical together, "We Will Rock You" which was awesome! Though I'm still kicking myself for not catching "Mama Mia" when they were in town.
In Feb, I made a trip back to Malaysia after touching down in Australia for more than 2 1/2 years I was pining for home! Although I had to leave Eric behind I couldn't help enjoying myself! I can't wait for the day when I can bring him home and show him where I grew up.
Then came March, Eric had a blast on his birthday and got pissed drunk. I wasn't very happy about that. Then came the big bust up at home that casted a shadow over everyone's moods in the following months.
2005 was also the year my career took a turn for the better. I suppose I've come in leaps and bounds since I started my first full-time job data-entrying all day everyday and then by some stupid stroke of luck a good friend, Chris introduced me to the manager in ACN and after 10 minutes of meeting him I had a job. The job wasn't tops but it was definitely a step forward and at that point ANYTHING was better than the place I was before.
In April I applied for an internal vacancy for an IT role but lost out to Chris. It was disappointing not getting the job but I knew if I didn't get the job, Chris would be only logical choice. I was and am happy for him.
But it all works out in the end because a new role came up and I was having a lot of self-doubt especially after having lost out on my last application. But Chris was the one who thought I should apply for it. I still wasn't sure and thought what have I to lose and handed in my application on the last day.
Welp ... I got the job in May!! I was over the moon!! Even now after 6 months, it's been great. I'm learning so much more now in week than 3 months where I was before. I'm loving it!
Sometime end of June early July, I found a tiny lump on the back of my neck and was quite suitably freaked out for about a week before I mustered some courage to make an appointment with the doctor to check it out. Turned out it's a benign inflamed lymph node ... thank god! I do not wish cancer visions on anyone.
Then came September ... Eric and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary in Gold Coast. It's been 3 years! We had so much fun this time in Gold Coast. Last time we were there, we were on a VERY tight budget. This time it was no holds barred! Awesome!!
Though at the very end of our holiday, I got so damn sick. I was almost reduced to tears at the airport because I was in so much pain and discomfort. I was burning up and felt so weak. Turned out I had an ear infection. After that I lost my hearing on my left ear for 4 days before it popped and ohhh...glorious! I can hear again!
Throughout the next couple of months, we were all weighed down by the prospect of losing a home, reckless spending and all the frustration that comes with people, ego and money (what a lethal combination those 3). This all went by pretty quickly ... it's all a blur to me now but the frustration is still very much there.
And then another year has gone by ...
Saturday, December 17, 2005
It's Been A While
I really need a holiday. I've been so tied up at work and just scrambling to complete tasks, meet deadlines and breathe. It hasn't been easy but another more week to go and Christmas will be around again! Yeay!
I love Christmas and Sydney just isn't festive enough for my liking. It's weird considering we Malaysians/Singaporeans go all out decking everything in sight with tinsel and Christmas-sy what-nots and playing Christmas carols over and over and over and over again in shopping malls and it just feels like the Aussies aren't bothering to hang up their fairy lights! The only hint that Christmas is around the corner is that big Christmas tree in the middle of Martin Place adorned with monotonous green and red ornaments.
Where's the spirit?!
So to make up for the lack of heart I shall embellish the garden with paper lanterns and fairy lights.
Anyway, this year for Christmas I thought we'd do it the Aussie way ... barbeque!
Throw another shrimp on the barbie, mate.
I love Christmas and Sydney just isn't festive enough for my liking. It's weird considering we Malaysians/Singaporeans go all out decking everything in sight with tinsel and Christmas-sy what-nots and playing Christmas carols over and over and over and over again in shopping malls and it just feels like the Aussies aren't bothering to hang up their fairy lights! The only hint that Christmas is around the corner is that big Christmas tree in the middle of Martin Place adorned with monotonous green and red ornaments.
Where's the spirit?!
So to make up for the lack of heart I shall embellish the garden with paper lanterns and fairy lights.
Anyway, this year for Christmas I thought we'd do it the Aussie way ... barbeque!
Throw another shrimp on the barbie, mate.
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